did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
where am i from again
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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