Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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