I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
