She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
