I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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