Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
