I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
