I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
