I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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