i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
