first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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