The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
