It's Friday. Sex?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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