i don't like sucking hair
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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