I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I cut my penus on the lid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
