Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
