He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
