yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
