Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there was a trapeze. enough said
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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