Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
