Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
