I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
