You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
