We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
