I wanna bring you to show and tell
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
