Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
