I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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