Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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