I want to stick my p in your. b.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
