just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
