That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
