then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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