According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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