I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
