4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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