I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
