i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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