Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
