So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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