woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
