went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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