Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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