I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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