i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
