Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
