I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
