did you get engaged???
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
