Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
