I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
