Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
