thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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