It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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