I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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